I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This baby is an asshole
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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