I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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