So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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