and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
