found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize