She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
