Your face is a jimmy john
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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