i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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