So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
