My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
