people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
