You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
