another moral hangover. fuck.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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