Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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