it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You may now shotgun with the bride
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
