why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
