And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't tell me you're on acid again
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
