gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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