I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
