NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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