He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize