At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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