I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
