Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
