u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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