he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
