my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
