At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
