so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
