Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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