feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
