That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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