well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
