My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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