I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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