There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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