That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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