The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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