Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Drake has all the answers
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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