pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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