I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just pee around me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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