Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
