Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
