if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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