Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
