come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
