Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
