you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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