we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
