i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
