not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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