im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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