Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
