margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
