the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
