Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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