i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
