I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
