You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
