getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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