i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
