He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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