Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
