Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
