he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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