does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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