U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
