Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
