It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Drake has all the answers
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