He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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