The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
