I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
