Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize