You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
True strength comes from lack of pants
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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