A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize