Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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