so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
