i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
is wine microwaveable?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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