I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
