I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
