Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
