help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
