Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
