i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I got her a Nickelback box set.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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