I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
