he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize