I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize