I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize