Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
