Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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