please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
