i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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