So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
