so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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