So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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