The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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