Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
