This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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