I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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