if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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