I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
