sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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