I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
