you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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