and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
