It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It was confusing and full of hummus
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
