I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
