Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
