I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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