I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
